Dear Family and Friends,
For those of you who only skim over my emails I would like to first start off my copying and pasting a story that another Elder shared with me. I will never be able to say enough about repentance and I will never be able to recommend "too many" talks by general authorities about it, but this story puts it in another way to visualize what repentance means for the saint as well as the sinner.
"I don't quite understand whether it was real or a dream. I only remember that it was late and I was sitting on my favorite sofa with a good book in my hands. I was tired and I began to nod.
In that world between asleep and awake I found myself in a huge room, it was not a particular room except for a wall full of drawers like you find in a library. The drawers went from the floor to the ceiling and looked like there was no end in sight. Each drawer had a different name. When I got close, one of the titles called my attention. Without paying much attention I opened it and started to read the cards inside. All of the sudden I realized that I recognized the name on each one of them. They were the "Girls that I have loved".
I started to realize where I was. This huge room with its endless drawers represented my existence. There I could find each of one of the actions of my life even the small ones that I had forgotten.
I started to feel a sensation of curiosity, expectation, and wonder when I started to open the drawers randomly, to explore what they contain.
Some made me happy and brought me sweet remembrances. Others, on the contrary, gave me a feeling of shame and guilt so intense that I had to turn to see if someone was watching me.
The file "Friends" was next to the "Friends that I have betrayed" and "Friends that I have abandoned when they needed me the most".
The titles went from the ordinary to the ridiculous. "Books that I have read", "Lies that I have told", "Condolences that I have given" and the "Jokes that I have told".
The titles kept amazing me. In some drawers there were more cards than the ones I thought would be and in others less.
I was amazed by the volume of the information that I have compiled about my life. How could I have the time to write each one of these millions of cards?
But each card confirms truth. Each card had my signature and was handwritten.
I became dumb founded when I saw the drawer "Songs that I have listened to" (or might I add Netflix shows I have watched or hours of video games I have played), when I discovered that it did not have an end in sight I felt ashamed not for the quality of music but because it showed how much time I have wasted.
When I arrived to the drawer "Impure thoughts", a tremble ran throughout my body.
I only opened the drawer a few inches... I was ashamed to discover its depth.
Randomly I took a card out and I read it. I felt sick knowing that "this" moment hidden in obscurity had been recorded.
I didn't need to see any more...
An animal instinct came out of me. A thought dominated my mind. No one should ever see these cards. No one should even enter in this room... I had to destroy it.
With feelings of insanity I pulled on a drawer, I had to empty it and burn the cards that it contained.
But I discovered that I could neither empty nor could I burn the cards. I realized that I could not even dislodge a single one from the drawer.
I became desperate and tried to yank even harder, only to discover that they were harder than steel when I tried to rip them.
Defeated and completely defenseless, I returned the drawer to its place.
Placing my head against the endless bookcase, invincible witness to my miseries I started to cry.
Then the title of one of the drawers made me feel a little bit better. "People with whom I have shared the Gospel".
I grabbed it by its shining handle and found less than 10 names. Once more tears came to my eyes. I was crying from the depth of my being. I could not even take a breath. I fell to the floor crying in shame.
A new thought came to my head, no one should enter this room I had to find the key and lock it permanently.
While I dried my tears, I saw him.
Oh no. Please no. Anyone but Jesus.
Helpless, I saw how Jesus opened the drawers, and read each card. I could not stand to look at his reaction.
At that moment I didn't want to meet his eyes. Intuitively, He drew near to the worse drawers. Why did He have to read them all? With sadness in his eyes he looked into mine, I lowered my head with shame, I put my hands on my face and started to cry once more. He came near, put His hands on my shoulders. He could have said many things. But he did not speak.
He stood next to me in silence. That was the day that Jesus kept silent, and wept with me. He returned to the drawers and from one side to the other he opened them and one by one and on each card signed His name over mine.
I screamed in pain. NO.
I ran towards him and ripped the card from His hands, His name didn't need need to be in those cards. Those weren't his sins they were mine.
But there it was, written in crimson. His name covered mine, written in His own blood.
He took the card from my hand, he looked at me with a sad smile and continued signing cards.
I don't know how he did it so quickly but the next instance I saw him closing the last drawer and came back to me.
He gave a tender look and said to me "It is done, it is finished, I am carrying your shame and guilt. At that moment we both left the room... Room that still is open... because there are more cards to be filled. I still don't know if it was a dream or a reality but of, what I am convinced, is that the next time that Jesus returns to that room, he will find more cards that will make him happy, less wasted time and less vanity and shameful cards."
There is something for you guys to read and think about throughout this week, if you want to share it in your Family Home Evenings I wouldn't be mad. Last night we shared it with recent converts and it was the best.
I also make a quick reference to a story I heard called the Butterfly Circus, I think there is a YouTube about it.
Our area has progressed a bunch, well better said that our investigators are progressing well. If I can explain myself in a simile it is like when you are making cookies but your working one batch at a time. We have few people who are in the beginning stages compared to the larger number of investigators we have who are closing in on their baptism.
We didn't know about Stake Conference until a couple weeks ago so we had to move the a couple baptismal dates including Nik (the super good one) and he actually got pretty down about it.
Other than that not too much new news for this week but things continue to improve. I love it out here.
I love all you guys and will never adequately express gratitude for the prayers you have sent my way.
Love you all,
Elder Craythorne
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